A small note about the seances-they tend to be more spirit guidance from ascended masters than catching up with dead relatives and loved ones. That does happen too-it’s just not really the focus. Just an FYI-for more info see Ms. Tulip And Me.

Anyway-I have worked at continuing this connection, at being loving in my requests and less bitchy. Now-I’m still a woman so the bitch is never going away completely but it is growing slowly.

Also-I am feeling very grateful and connected to spirit more and more. Having a direct experience-speaking with angels, goddesses, spirit guides has, for me, made this a reality that is undeniable.

This Goddess journey takes me in so many wonderful directions-I am finding the balance between creating my reality and letting the wonderful reality that Goddess has in store for me unfold to be awesome.

Blessings to all!

My in-laws and I had a bad falling out a few years ago. Without going into excessive detail-I wrote some stuff online that was rude to them and some other stuff that was too explicit for them. I never meant for them to read it but they found it. I didn’t do the best job of covering my tracks-I’m much better at that now.

Anyway-I’ve apologized but on the condition that they acknowledge some responsibility in the matter. Things were not exactly peachy keen between us before this all happened. Years of ill will, hurt feeling and un-met expectations went into the “final showdown”. I haven’t spoken with them directly-have left phone messages and written but no direct convos. Let’s just say that everyone in my life (except hubby who has been very torn) has thought of me as right and them as wrong.

In bed-in pain yesterday-I prayed and finally felt clear enough to be willing to apologize in person for all wrongdoing and trust that I will be safe. It is not my job to make them responsible for their wrongdoings-only to be responsible for mine. So I will go humbly to them and apologize. From a spiritual place of taking responsibility for me and how I occur in their world. I will not let them harm me in the future but will let them have their own journey and lessons when they are ready for them. It’s not up to me when they “learn” only them. I will let go so that I can move on and my husband is at peace with them-his mommy and daddy.

The words of many a self help program echo in my head, “You can be right or you can be _______.” Fill in the blank with successful, related, happy. Being right is not joyful-being at peace with oneself is. This is the first time when I’ve felt clear enough to be at peace with my apology and not resentful. I will continue to pray to Goddess that this will be the case going forward.

Blessed Be!

The thing that I find frustrating isn’t just that I can’t shop there now. Thanx to my hard work combined with my lap band surgery, I will probably be able to shop there in a year or so. The thing that I find so frustrating is that many women can’t shop there. If I woke up tomorrow a size 0, I think that I would feel like I was betraying all my goddesses by shopping there.

Beauty is not a size and so many women of all sizes  deserve to feel beatiful and wear beatiful clothes. Dividing us by size into this store or that store is so demeaning and lowers all of us. Goddesses should be able to buy sexy clothes-even in ritzy malls.

I just read about Wandy Sykes coming out and really love what she said.

“You know, I don’t really talk about my sexual orientation. I didn’t feel like I had to. I was just living my life, not necessarily in the closet, but I was living my life,” said Sykes, 44, while speaking at a Las Vegas rally for gay marriage.

“I got pissed off,” she continued. “They pissed me off. I said, ‘You know what? Now I gotta get in your face’ and that’s what we all have to do now. They pissed off the wrong group of people. They have galvanized a community…Instead of having gay marriage in California, we’re going to get it across the country.”

I hope that we as a human race will get together and make gay marriage legal everwhere in the country-no more slowly turning up the heat-they just got dropped in boiling water. If two people want to enter into a binding legal/spiritual agreement about their life and share all the same protections and rights as straight people-let them! Like civil rights, which is not just a “black” issue but a human issue, so are gay rights. When any of our rights are compromised-all of us suffer. As a jew, woman and someone with an alternative religious practice-I say that we should all stand-not just the affronted community-whatever it is.

Goddess come in all shapes, sizes, races and sexual orientations. So do a**holes. Lets be Goddesses and work towards love not away from it!

My kitten, Lilu, brought a chipmunk into the kitchen yesterday. It was alive and well. After a night of eating the pumpkin seeds we’d left out and holing up under our dishwasher, it was out this morning. I managed to trap it under a large plastic container and slid a plate underneath. I then released it into my neighborh’s yard. Phew. Lilu was pissed but I just let her go.

Then I was happily working away in my office with the door closed when I heard a loud commotion in the bathroom. I went to investigate and saw her in there with a live bird that immediately started to fly as soon as I popped my head in. I freaked, shrieked and shut the door with both of them in there.

Being the super powerful woman that I am, I started racking my brain for men in the neighborhood who work from home who could come over and save me. I couldn’t come up with anyone so I called hubby and demanded that he come home. He told me to open all the windows upstairs and let the bird find it’s way out.

F&ck! How is a goddess supposed to get sh*t done with this going on!

So I pack up my laptop and open every window and screen. Even the one with the beetle on it. When I told DH that it might come in, he assured me that a beetle in the house was better than a bird-easy for him to say when he is in his cushy office far far away.

I opened the bathroom door and saw the bird huddled on the floor behind it. Why would the bird not know to stay safe on top of the shower curtain rod? I guess that’s how my cat got it in the first place. Anyway, I grabbed Lilu and held her tight and yelled at her that I didn’t want her chipmunks, birds, squirells or anything else in my house and every time she brings and animal in she’s getting locked in a cage for an hour. I then locked her in her carrier in the garage.

I returned to the bathroom to find the bird imobile in the corner still. I went down and got the chipmunk rescue container and plate and brought them up. The bird started to take flight as I put the container down so one wing and the head was sticking out as I slid the plate underneath. I gently held it down and took it to one of the open windows. My heart was pounding at a mile a minute throughout all of this! Luckily-it was uninjured and flew away-I was afraid it might drop like a stone!

So, I, with the help of my divine supporters, managed to free two trapped animals today! (I wonder if this makes up for the fish that I killed in seventh grade?) And I also figured out how to punish my cat. What a WAHM (work at home mom) day! And it’s not even 11am yet! Back to work – saving the world one animal/website/blog entry at a time!

I also think that it’s frustrating that all the “research” that is being done is about drugs and fixing the disease. I say let’s have a huge group of women eating all organic food and get regular exercise and fresh air for 20 years and see if the rate of breast cancer goes down. Let’s add in a weekly massage, filtered water and “clean homes” too.

The problem with this solution is that there is no money in the cure! No one will get rich off that.

I’m not saying to not support women with cancer-I’m just saying let’s not let not having cancer stop us from support and companionship.

As a society-let’s look at how our world impacts our health!

I saw a woman who had lost 100 lbs recently. She is still overweight. She feels as if she’s done nothing and the first thing that she did was jiggle her underarms. “I hate these!” she declared with disgust.

I told her that most people, at least the kind of people who we care about, don’t just look right at our underarms the moment they see us. They also don’t look right at our thighs or go on a cellulite search. They just look at US!

I know women of all sizes who focus on some particular body part that they hate and that is the first thing they see in the mirror.

The journey of Goddessness is to learn to love ourselves as whole creatures. To understand that no one is perfect and that no matter what we look like we deserve to feel like a Goddess. I do this some days better than others. Overall-I feel good about myself and grateful and when I don’t – I too must remember my own words.

When people see you they just see you-they do not zoom in on the body parts (well maybe breasts or legs but usually that’s because they like them!).

Then I was thinking, how going to the ER (for something non life threatening) is a kind of relief. For however long you’re there, nothing else matters. How much sleep we are all getting, how much credit card debt we have, how we’re going to pay all the bills this month, how fat I am, what I ate today, how nice the house looks. None of this matters, for just a little while. I want that. Not the ER visit, but the nothing else matters.

I told my hubby that we have been too involved in the rat race lately. We need to go to church. This is hard for us as he is Catholic and I am Pagan/Jewish/Universalist/Non-Christian.

So I just want to get to that place of such gratitude for my life and the lives of my loved ones that nothing else matters.