I was looking at my old journals from when I was a kid and throughout my life and they basically all have the same thing written in them-I feel powerless over food. I thought recently-if only I could re-claim all that time that I wasted obsessing about food-then I could ??? I  don’t know. What. Something. I hope. What would I do? Who would I be if I wasn’t working on money, food, weight, body, all the time? I don’t have an answer-that takes me back to the question of what does my soul hunger for? What does my soul want me to do?

I love money-I inherited/learned a gift from my grandmother-I memorize prices. I can’t remember the lyrics of a song that I’ve heard a million times to save my life but I can tell you how much Rice Milk costs at Walmart, Kroger and Whole Foods. $2.74, $3.76, $3.89 . Organic Beef: $5.99. Unless it’s on sale. She said that I should watch the readout as they ring up my food to see if the price is exactly what it was on the shelf. It’s an effort for me to look away now.

I love counting. I love keeping track. I saved some money-I accomplished something. I bought something at a good price-woo hoo. I accomplished something.

I can spend it too-but only on acceptable areas-growth, learning, health. So those are the areas where I have the most need-because otherwise I’d get squat. My husband BTW does not share this weird perspective. I want to go spend $60 on the Chiropractor or at a spiritual growth session and I think  that is “ok” and he wants to buy a video game and I think that’s “wrong”. We are working on this.

So I hate it, I love it. I hate it is winning.

And this whole thing that people say-”money is just energy.” I don’t know what that means. I don’t GROK money. What does that mean? I get it intellectually but no deeper.

I rememembered an episode of Frasier and once I brought it up-BigBear got it! It was a major breakthrough in our relationship. I keep fighting like a Jew-going back to my roots and he, like an uptight Catholic! So his (and his parents) subtle comments are apparently really meaningful and my long angry rants are just a way to get back to love!

For an illumination of this fascinating cultural difference-please watch this 7 minute clip from Frasier. After years of being a fan-Frasier has finally become our therapist.

I’ve always heard, maiden, mother crone. Sounds kinda depressing – I like flower, fruit and seed much better!

I have also been praying recently to be more impacted by and impressed with the written word. I’ve always had a disdain for books-even though I love reading-I felt that they could not seriously impact a life. I’ve seen people close to me read the most thoughtful, spiritual and growth oriented books and receive nothing from them but intellectual knowledge. This is important but not where true life changing power comes from.

I felt that if I am ever to feel good about writing my book/s I must be at peace with and excited about the whole medium! So I found this tidbit that I read so much more tantalizing!

There are multiple books that I have gotten tons from but that I’ve only begun and never finished. I think that I will design my book specifically with this in mind! Maybe I can write the whole think summed up in 20 pages and then elaborate for the rest. I want to give value-even to those who don’t finish the book!

I have listened to the recording several times over already and hear new things each time. Jeremiah told me that in the next 6 months my life was going to be so good that it would be beyong my wildest dreams. I thought at the time that I had some pretty wild dreams so didn’t know how that could be the case but have already seen it happen!

The already amazing relationship that I have with my husband has skyrocketed! We are closer than ever on every level. In the past, I’ve been such a light sleeper that I slept alone but have started to crave his energy and now sleep sounder than ever-even spooning! He can snore as loud as a freight train and I just love being near him! The only time I even hear it is when I get up to go to the bathroom!

He keeps coming up to me and just telling me how much he loves and appreciates me-how beautiful my body is-how he just wants to connect! All this and he’s straight too!

Anyway, it’s been wonderful. There have already been some big bumps too but they are passing without so much trauma. I am soo grateful for my life!

Blessing to all of you. I invite you to say that you are open to receiving blessings of love from the universe or whatever you believe in and see what happens. Also do something spiritual that is outside of your comfort zone and enjoy!

I have not been able to stop thinking about that comment. I think that we should all do a resume-maybe with the help of a friend who likes us better than we like ourselves-for the area of our lives that we feel like a nobody. Career, spirituality, love, fitness whatever. And see that we too are all “somebody”.

I am working on this-think maybe it’s part of the Goddessness coaching program.

Where do you think that you are a nobody?

I just read about Wandy Sykes coming out and really love what she said.

“You know, I don’t really talk about my sexual orientation. I didn’t feel like I had to. I was just living my life, not necessarily in the closet, but I was living my life,” said Sykes, 44, while speaking at a Las Vegas rally for gay marriage.

“I got pissed off,” she continued. “They pissed me off. I said, ‘You know what? Now I gotta get in your face’ and that’s what we all have to do now. They pissed off the wrong group of people. They have galvanized a community…Instead of having gay marriage in California, we’re going to get it across the country.”

I hope that we as a human race will get together and make gay marriage legal everwhere in the country-no more slowly turning up the heat-they just got dropped in boiling water. If two people want to enter into a binding legal/spiritual agreement about their life and share all the same protections and rights as straight people-let them! Like civil rights, which is not just a “black” issue but a human issue, so are gay rights. When any of our rights are compromised-all of us suffer. As a jew, woman and someone with an alternative religious practice-I say that we should all stand-not just the affronted community-whatever it is.

Goddess come in all shapes, sizes, races and sexual orientations. So do a**holes. Lets be Goddesses and work towards love not away from it!

My kitten, Lilu, brought a chipmunk into the kitchen yesterday. It was alive and well. After a night of eating the pumpkin seeds we’d left out and holing up under our dishwasher, it was out this morning. I managed to trap it under a large plastic container and slid a plate underneath. I then released it into my neighborh’s yard. Phew. Lilu was pissed but I just let her go.

Then I was happily working away in my office with the door closed when I heard a loud commotion in the bathroom. I went to investigate and saw her in there with a live bird that immediately started to fly as soon as I popped my head in. I freaked, shrieked and shut the door with both of them in there.

Being the super powerful woman that I am, I started racking my brain for men in the neighborhood who work from home who could come over and save me. I couldn’t come up with anyone so I called hubby and demanded that he come home. He told me to open all the windows upstairs and let the bird find it’s way out.

F&ck! How is a goddess supposed to get sh*t done with this going on!

So I pack up my laptop and open every window and screen. Even the one with the beetle on it. When I told DH that it might come in, he assured me that a beetle in the house was better than a bird-easy for him to say when he is in his cushy office far far away.

I opened the bathroom door and saw the bird huddled on the floor behind it. Why would the bird not know to stay safe on top of the shower curtain rod? I guess that’s how my cat got it in the first place. Anyway, I grabbed Lilu and held her tight and yelled at her that I didn’t want her chipmunks, birds, squirells or anything else in my house and every time she brings and animal in she’s getting locked in a cage for an hour. I then locked her in her carrier in the garage.

I returned to the bathroom to find the bird imobile in the corner still. I went down and got the chipmunk rescue container and plate and brought them up. The bird started to take flight as I put the container down so one wing and the head was sticking out as I slid the plate underneath. I gently held it down and took it to one of the open windows. My heart was pounding at a mile a minute throughout all of this! Luckily-it was uninjured and flew away-I was afraid it might drop like a stone!

So, I, with the help of my divine supporters, managed to free two trapped animals today! (I wonder if this makes up for the fish that I killed in seventh grade?) And I also figured out how to punish my cat. What a WAHM (work at home mom) day! And it’s not even 11am yet! Back to work – saving the world one animal/website/blog entry at a time!

“No tengo que demostrarle nada a nadie. Yo se quien soy YO”

I translated it as…

“I do not have to  prove myself to anyone. I know who I am-Me.”

I would like to make Yunel an honorary Godess! YEAH!

Anyway-I haven’t read it-looking forward to learning more…