What would I do if everything is already fixed?

I have been thinking about what is next for me. I feel like I’ve spent a some time worrying about the world and women and trying to “fix” what i think needs to be fixed. I want to help women heal their self images and sexual identities. However, I want to stop looking at the world through the lense of “what’s wrong” and instead accept that everyone is exactly where they need to be at the moment. If that is the case-if I am not fixing-then what is next for me spiritually.

I want to learn how to be connected with spirit more in my every day life and how to do more activities that feel spiritually nourishing.

I am also looking at my volunteer commitments. I want my volunteer time to be more aligned with my personal commitments and not just with what “needs to be done”.

I just feel like I spend so much time fixing-it’s not fun and nothing ever is fixed! Including me! I can’t help but hear the voices of all my years of personal growth training and reading-everything is just as it should be!

Keep in mind that I’m not at the moment addressing the big picture issues that seem “wrong” such as neglect and abuse, human trafficking, etc… more the issues of suburban American malaise.

Right now-a good nights sleep would be helpful too!

Five Days Post Op

I am now 5 days post op. I am doing well. I haven’t been too hungry-if I feel a pang I just drink some broth and I am ok. Today is my first day alone since surgery. Hubby is at work, son at school. I am still in my nightie as I am not driving yet. I awoke feeling nauseous today. That is a first. The thought of ingesting anything grosses me out. I had some tea and am working on water right now.

I haven’t been able to get into dancing since I broke up with xBFF-it was always a part of our goddess practice. My mom had this cool machine called a Zizzle Zoundz machine.  It is the white ameoba shaped thing with lights on it. You place these shapes on the lights and can make endless varieties of music. It is really cool. I want one. I enjoyed dancing for the first time in a long while-incisions and all.

So today I am feeling lost. Without anchor. Without appetite. I feel a little like I did after I had my son. After being pregnant for 9+ months and then finally giving birth, I was quite surprised to still look pregnant. Well-I had fat surgery and am surprised to still look fat. Before and after pix are great but they are not a day to day record. I just keep reminding myself of that.

So today I pray for healing and rest. Please Goddess let me sleep in a bed tonight-no more nights on the lazy-goddess chair. Productivity. Purpose. Joy? Yes – please Goddess bring me some joy today.