Good Self Esteem

“Good self esteem is being at peace with the difference between your real self and your ideal self.”

-My therapist (Anon)

I believe that part of the Goddessness journey is to not just be at peace with your real self but to revel in her. She is the juicy, sensual human who is sacred and precious in every way.

I’m down 50 lbs – what’s your response?

I am now down 50 lbs as of 6/6/08. YEAH! I am very grateful for my wonderful progress. It’s interesting to me that people who are normal weight think that I’ve lost a ton and people who either are overweight or have struggled with their weight think that my progress is slow. I also have thought that my progress was slow.

I think that, at least for me, I have been so unable in the past to see progress and be happy with it that I never experience it. I am now learning how to acknowledge my own success and feel proud of it instead of looking for fault and thinking it’s not enough.

So-When someone tells you that they lost 50 lbs in 5 months-if you think that is slow-I invite you to look at your own life and see where you are being so critical that you are not progressing or moving forward.

Razors and Gay men-not our best!

I find it seriously annoying that the big message out there for feeling like a goddess is a razor for women. I do not even want to mention the name as I do not want to give them any accidental advertising. URGH! Also that the only show that teaches women how to love their bodies is hosted by a gay man! It’s a great show but please??? Can’t we do better than this?

More important than exercising three times a week

Feeling down?  Want to lose weight? Want to improve your self esteem? We can all feel better, more goddess like without losing a pound! Read on…

All women should “self pleasure” at least three times a week. It reduces anxiety, improves body image, improves self esteem and improves our overall sex life too. Yes-you can enjoys sex with someone else more if you enjoy it with yourself. Men do it. They don’t usually need to be told. They can’t help themselves.

That is wonderful-let’s join them! If you don’t know how, or don’t enjoy it, that’s ok. Start small. I will not get into the explicit mechanics of it because it’s not rocket science. (Well sometimes it may take advantage of rocket science…) What is difficult is to prioritize it. To make sure that you learn how, enjoy your body and love yourself. Three times a week minimum.

Look, I’m not suggesting that you whip out your rabbit at the next really stressful PTA meeting but at home, rather than turning on the TV or whatever-take some time out for you. You deserve it and you will feel better in every area of your life.

The Three Essential Must Haves For Being Sexy (As Told By A Man)

There are lots of things that I do to feel sexy. There are other things that I do to look sexy. I won’t go into the list but lets just say that it is long and involved. Everything from exercise, clothing, makeup, self talk, hair etc…

So the other night, I was in the heat of passion with my hubby. He told me that I was really sexy and I asked him why. It was basically a list of three things:

1. I like sex

2. I have big boobs

3. The color of the inside of my vagina is apparently a nice rosy pink (I have embellished that if you can believe it).

So, ladies, there you have it. The three essentials from the perspective of a man. I know that each man has a slightly different list. But not that different. Maybe round butt or long legs, instead of big boobs but that’s about it.

Keep that in mind the next time you feel the eye lash curler and bikini wax are ESSENTIAL!

LOL!

The Ugly Duckling Is A Goddess

I was nervous about life, the universe and everything last night so pulled an animal card for myself. I got the swan. I was thinking about the card and realized…

The ugly duckling did not become a swan-she was a swan all along and just didn’t realize it. I am already a swan. You are already a swan.

Lost 16 Pounds First 2 Weeks Post Op-YEAH!

I got good news today-I lost 16 lbs since 1/10/08. I was kind of happy and kind of disappointed. I know it sounds silly but I really thought it would be more. I am so good at sabotaging myself! So, I am thrilled with my weight loss and just don’t know how to get my mind around the big picture.

I find the urge to binge still hits and while I am not “beating the band” with ice cream I have pushed a few other limits. I am frustrated to find that I still must do things like feel myself and plan meals. A part of me wishes that I could just never have to eat!

If I plan and eat well then I do not get over hungry and I am ok. Tonight I went to a 4:20 movie with a friend (Pixie Momma-Busy Tarp) and did not want to deal with dinner after it was over. By the time she left my house it was 7pm and I was really hungry. I was afraid and overwhelmed. I find hunger so overwhelming! I overate. Still not too bad thanx to the band. But I am reminded of how well the band is working and how I still have to care for myself. Urgh! I just can’t be one of those gorgeous, skinny women who never stop to eat. I guess it does not serve them either.

Also, I ran out of a few foods that I rely on and thought I could just adapt. Well I didn’t do so great.

But-Good news. A friend called out to me today-she called “Goddess” and I responded without thinking! Yeah!

I am going to re-commence writing to my angels. I used to channel angels a lot but tapered off due to lots of things. If anything worth repeating comes out, I will post.

-Blessed Be

Bless This B*TCH

On being a b*tch-we all are. Every Goddess is a b*tch. It is a part of us-we just cannot help it. Remember when you feel this way and think that whatever you are being b*tchy about seems really real-it may just be the inner b*tch flaring up and saying “HEAR ME”. “EXPRESS ME.”

She needs to be expressed and that’s ok. She is an important part of us-she protects us and keeps us from getting walked all over or from taking care of others ALL the time. Like a petulant child who declares,with all sincerity, “I hate you!” she also declares such bold feelings of dislike and righteousness for others. However, while we usually remember that the child really is just angry and does not hate us, we frequently forget the the b*tch is also just demanding for a feeling to be heard-not speaking great truths.

Take what she says as an indicator of unexpressed feelings or un-nurtured aspects of self-not as the the truth.

Bless My Inner B*itch-And yours too!

Goddess Is In You, Love Her There First Instead of Last

Today I realized that we are all like babies.

When my son was a newborn, I remember planning a morning out. First we’d dash to the grocery store, pop by Target, swing over to the dry cleaners and then stop at the drug store on the way home. I’d set out with my new baby, his 500 pound car seat, his newborn temperament and inevitably about half way through my list at the grocery store (my first stop), I’d dash to the checkout lane, figure my husband would have to pick up the rest and then go home. Either he was fussy or tired or hungry. Target was not a stop but the actual activity that would take up our whole morning. A day was not about accomplishing a long list of to do items but hopefully getting through one item completely without too much spit up on my shirt.

I am on day 3 of my detox diet and I feel the same as my new baby did. I just can’t be out too long. I either need a snack or a rest or just to get out of the public eye. I look ahead to my new life with lapband and think it will be the same or even more so. I am told it will take me 30 minutes just to get down 1/2 cup of food. I’m going to have to get up earlier to do that in the morning.

So I think, what else is our life about? I mean, did Goddess really put me here to see how many errands I could knock out in a morning or to see how I could learn to be so present to the Goddess in me and my family and friends to take the time that is needed for our nourishment, nurturing and survival. Can you imagine a cave person saying that there was no time to cook food for the hearth because “I am just too busy-this leather won’t tan itself! Plus I have to gather berries and repair everyone’s clothes-we’ll just throw together something or get drive thru at the cave up the hill?” Nothing is more important that the care and feeding of ourselves and our families.

So, I am trying to see myself as a newborn, learning to live in a body and be loved and love. How to survive and thrive. I invite, beg, implore and plead my goddess sisters to do the same. Love yourselves-Goddess is in you, love her there first instead of last.

Goddessness And The Power Of Positive Thinking

Ugh-I had the Upper GI today-I had to drink barium (YUCH) and stand/lie on this x-ray table while they xrayed my digestion in “action”. The coolness of the whole thing was eclipsed by the yuchiness of the whole thing. But I survived-and am back to my young self after a few cups of cocoa.

One thing that I thought was really interesting was after I drank one of the cups of barium. It landed in my stomach and they wanted it to work it’s way through to my small intestines. They asked me to think about eating foods that I really enjoyed. I had been thinking about how much I wished I could puke up the gross stuff in my tummy. Apparently this type of thinking actually impacts one’s digestion-halting it almost completely. Even according to straight doctor types. Then when thinking of lasagne and ice cream the barium went happily on it’s way.

I was struck by several things. First of all, that damn positive thinking thing, which I hear so much about to the point where I want to shoot the next person with a grenade launcher who tells me to say an affirmation to cure what ails me, apparently is very powerful after all. (Curse you Louise Hay, chiropractors and my mother-I hate it when you’re right!) Also, in the midst of a medical procedure to prepare me for weight loss surgery, I had to talk out loud about foods that I like. I was really ashamed.

And now, the airy-fairy realm of feelings about food is actually a real thing-which effects my ability to digest food. So, I will pray and affirm in a very positive way to have positive feelings about digesting what I eat.

Maybe if I think about celery when I eat a cookie, my body will respond as if it was celery?

So today, no matter what I eat, I say…I am eating celery-mmmm-yummy celery.

Also, I love my body-no matter what size she is and love to digest food and derive nutrients from it. I deserve health and happiness and goddessness. Yummy!