Nourish Me

I nourish my body with food.
I nourish my soul with life.

Bursts Of Joy

This morning I awoke really early-thinking about my addiction to eating. About the little bursts of joy that I get from certain foods. How I still crave that every day. Every minute of every day. I do not know how to release it. How to experience joy in other ways-ways that are real every day ways. Pure brain joy that is.

I have been wanting to un-plug consciously but not knowing how to do it. I read, eat, watch tv. Sex has not been that good lately. I like it but it’s not awesome. I don’t think I need to work on techniques so much as more change from within. That is my new theme-looking within. I just am not doing it a lot. Always looking out.

I miss teaching too. Family education, adult education-I love who I am when I am teaching. I want to do that too!

That brings me to the To Do list. Doing Doing Doing. Always doing or NOT doing. Dominated by doing.

Blessed Be For Today.

• Bursts of Joy Surround Me!
• I Enjoy Doing Joyful Things!
• I Deserve Joy!

Be not afraid of growing slowly

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid of standing still.
Chinese Proverb

Hungry Soul-Eating Mouth

So hard. I don’t know what I really want. I overate a lot during Xmas. I do not want to give my power away any more. I get depressed rather than expressing my truth because I am scared to or it seems pointless. My soul is hungry. Just not sure what for.

Self Pleasure Is A Turn On

Just read Cosmo at the hair dresser-and saw a study about what men like. A majority (over 35%) like to watch women self pleasure. The percentage actually goes up as they age. In the world of Cosmo-aging is past 30.

Anyway-Goddesses -We now have proof! Our enjoyment is a turn on!

It’s time to learn some lessons

I’ve been having a big fat pitty party for myself for about 5 months. Something bad happened to me. I gained weight. I felt really sorry for myself and depressed. And then…

-My husband and I got closer

-I re-learned that my identity is the not same as my weight and my true friends  love me no matter what

-I re-learned that I am a goddess no matter what

-I started therapy again and am grappling with some issues that have plagued me for years. They did not magically go away just because some fat went away.

-I am coming to grips with the fact that there is no “right” way to live life-some ways are preferable but we just do what we can

-I am getting the help that I needed in a way that I did not know I could get

-I have amazing people in my life who can really contribute to me if I let them

-I want to be happy-joyful and at peace-not miserable-even when I’m tired

-I am still here and at the end of the day-i think that’s a good (preferable) thing

So I am dusting myself off-rolling up my sleeves and getting to work!

Nice Along The Way

It seems that the world is willing for my soul to die

A lot each day

As long as I’m nice

Along the way.

-me

What would I do if everything is already fixed?

I have been thinking about what is next for me. I feel like I’ve spent a some time worrying about the world and women and trying to “fix” what i think needs to be fixed. I want to help women heal their self images and sexual identities. However, I want to stop looking at the world through the lense of “what’s wrong” and instead accept that everyone is exactly where they need to be at the moment. If that is the case-if I am not fixing-then what is next for me spiritually.

I want to learn how to be connected with spirit more in my every day life and how to do more activities that feel spiritually nourishing.

I am also looking at my volunteer commitments. I want my volunteer time to be more aligned with my personal commitments and not just with what “needs to be done”.

I just feel like I spend so much time fixing-it’s not fun and nothing ever is fixed! Including me! I can’t help but hear the voices of all my years of personal growth training and reading-everything is just as it should be!

Keep in mind that I’m not at the moment addressing the big picture issues that seem “wrong” such as neglect and abuse, human trafficking, etc… more the issues of suburban American malaise.

Right now-a good nights sleep would be helpful too!

Goddess Ritual Can Be Just Doing Something You Like

Today I really struggled with getting my “work” done. I was sitting at my desk trying hard to concentrate on important tasks related to my business and I just wanted to do something for the goddess in me. I stopped working on my business and spent some time working on this blog. I spent a few hours trying to get the “subscribe” feature working the way I want and changing a few other thing.

I felt a lot better-so much better that I even did some housework (always a sign of either happiness or insanity). I sometimes think that the only way that I can honor Goddess is by doing ritual or creating something unique with my hands and sometimes I’m just not in the mood for that! I feel guilty that I want to wait for motivation-but that is the way I am-I want to wait for motivation.

So-I feel a lot better and more optimistic and everything that HAD to get done today did.

I didn’t kill anyone in my family (including myself) and I even closed a deal and learned some new skills.

So-maybe ritual can be just doing something that I LIKE doing-not always what i SHOULD be doing. If ritual becomes another SHOULD then what good is it?

BTW-As a side note-I will say that part of what I did was watch the season finale of True Blood-love that show!

Update from Goddess-land

How is it that I can feel so empowered one minute and so empty the next? I don’t know how to carry the feeling of divinity into my evenings. I sit at home and feel lonely. I don’t feel like creating art, I don’t feel like working. I don’t feel like reading or watching TV. I have to be careful if I do watch TV because if I watch anything depressing-it haunts me. My life is boring and unsatisfying yet I’m ok. My husband and I are happy – my son is healthy. Hubby’s job is going well as is my business. In this climate-it is wonderful. But… I don’t want to whine. I want to be empowered. I just feel everything but…

I want inspiration, motivation, excitement. I want to feel alive and joyful. I want to feel safe too. Can i have it all?

Can I stop thinking about myself for a moment or two? URGH!

This too is Goddessness-someday I will look back on this time and realize how much I learned-I want to enjoy it now though.